Sass was in a different Bel-

I spent a few days in Brussels, Belgium visiting friends last week. I have to confess that I was excited about seeing Mindi and Dan and Miaken and Joel, but the thought of being in Brussels didn't thrill me. It is a perfectly nice city, but a little... sterile. Boring. I guess when Kyiv and Moscow are your first foreign cities, it just isn't that exciting when everything is clean and works the way it should. But, I had a lovely time! The first couple of days I stayed with Mindi and Dan in their spacious (by European standards) apartment. We hung out, did a little shopping, a little dining and just chilled. It was exactly what I needed.

The weather was TERRIBLE. Cold, snowy, windy. The best part is that Belgium ran out of salt and sand in December (they aren't used to much snow). So, they did nothing. The roads and sidewalks weren't scraped or swept. Nothing. Even though there were only a couple of inches on the ground it was fairly rough going (walking or driving). Good times.

Sunday Dan headed out to cover a professional Cyclo-cross race. I convinced Mindi to join me at a huge water park. It was awesome- several heated pools (including one that was partially outside- I LOVE swimming in the snow) and SAUNA LAND. We hung out, avoiding greasy boys in the hot tub until we were nice and pruney. I would highly suggest a visit while in Brussels- aim to go on a weekday to avoid annoying crowds (the sauna only works if you keep the door closed people! I am serious about my steam baths).

Monday afternoon I met up with Miaken and Joel and their friend Olivier and his girlfriend Johana. We headed outside of town to stay at Olivier's family house, and his mother invited us over for dinner. Did you know that in Europe it is ok to have cheese and bacon for dinner? Monique served raclette and it was heavenly. She is a hospitable and well-traveled woman- it was a lovely evening. The next day we headed south to Binche to attend their world famous Carnival. It is no Rio, no New Orleans, but it is something. We thought we were going to watch a parade, but I don't think what we saw qualifies as a parade. It was more like groups of people in costumes with bands moving slowly through town while hurling blood oranges at the crowd (it's their tradition- I got hit in the chest. Hard.). There are 20,000 people crowded into a tiny town center and tons of cops. Who would stop the "parade" regularly. You know, to ensure that there wasn't too much movement, or any cohesiveness. Regardless it was a lot of fun and great people watching.

All too soon it was time for me to go and I was under the weather. Mindi and I had a bite of lunch and a Starbucks and the airport and then I made my way through security. Once inside I picked up a vampire paperback and some chocolates for the office and friends. Then I went to the bathroom. Unfortunately, I had already done my business by the time I saw this:

That's right- a lady urinal (or ur-eye-nal as the Brits pronounce it). I was so excited that I threw my purse and carry-on down on the counter and proceeded to document this oddity that I didn't realize my carry-on fell into the sink. The automatic sink. So, while I was snapping away (wondering if I should pose on the Lady P.) my carry-on bag (with the new book and boxes of chocolate but luckily not my passport, phone, or camera) filled with water. And overflowed. I managed to salvage everything (and put the book through the Dyson hand dryer which is cooler than foam soap but not as amazing as the Lady P. but more practical) but the bag. It could have been worse- but lucky for all of us I opted not to pose on the urinoir.

But next time I will use it. As long as I follow the instructions it should be great, right?

1. Take the skiing position (um, I will need to practice this part, never having been on skis)

2. Throw sanitary towel or tampon in the wastebin (don't use, so I can skip to step 3)

3. Urinate (thanks for reminding me why I am here)

4. Flush paper (got it).

Wow! Now I can't wait to go back. Have you ever seen a Lady P. anywhere? Let me know. Also, that may be my new nickname.

PS- I will either post a link to pictures or a collage of Belgium pics soon. Trying an experiment.

PPS- The shrink wrapping my luggage is proving to be the best theft prevention. No new thievery in months!

Holiday Rewind Part 1

Long ago Sass was very, very tired. Life as a nomadic Balkan warrior princess had made her weary. She headed across the pond to her birthplace, and managed to get there with only one unplanned overnight. Sure, this unplanned overnight was a direct result of being pulled aside for additional security screening and spending an hour in half waiting in line to be violated. In her own country. Sure, the security guard threatened to lock her up over night when she mentioned that she was missing her flight. The last flight of the day from DC to KS. Two days before Christmas. Luckily, for a small fortune a bed was procured that was huge and soft (but not too soft) with lovely linens. And Sass arrived in Kansas well rested, with all of her belongings.

And Kansas was great. Lots of quality time with friends and family, and not too much driving back and forth across the state. The weather was unseasonably warm, some days. And appropriately crappy others. It was a great year for people coming home. I saw several friends who I hadn't seen in years. And enjoyed every moment with these lovely ladies:
Shortly after this photo was taken, we headed to a local bar, which was about the size and shape of a train wagon (ok, slightly wider). We ordered drinks, crowded around a little table, and proceed to witness SEVEN fights. In 10 minutes. Little did I know this disturbing trend would be a recurring theme in the Wheat State.

Christmas evening was spent at the bowling alley. I hadn't been to the ol' Gage Bowl in years (possibly since 8th grade when we went to Rock and Bowl to steal bowling shoes... Laura and Bree, remember that?), but it was a blast. Luckily none of us were very good (or competitive). We also ran into several high school friends, so when the bowling alley kicked us out, we headed across the street to one of the only open bars in town. Much silliness ensued, and we decided to walk home so that we didn't have to worry about who would abstain and drive the others home. Now, Jason, Laura and I all live/have lived overseas where people, you know, walk. But we attracted quite a lot of attention walking through central Topeka at 3 am.

My birthday included lunch with the family, and gathering a group of my closest friends and trying to make them sing with me. No one wanted to sing, so we were content to heckle (quietly) and enjoy each others company. I was especially happy that my brother made it out to celebrate with us.
After karaoke lost its charm, Baby Boy Payton convinced us to head out to a bar on the edge of town. A group of us trekked out there to find a giant crowded sports bar, where everyone knew Ian's name. Shortly after we arrived, there was a big commotion in the parking lot. A fight had started, and someone called the police. Topeka's finest felt that they needed to pull out the big guns to restore order- they used a taser on one of the guys involved in the altercation. Awesome. Now it felt like we were in an episode of cops. Closer to closing time, as we were trying to head out, a huge crowd was once again gathering in the parking lot. This time I got to see some of the action- a guy was on all fours, acting like an animal, pawing at a car. Apparently he and the owner of the car (an upstanding gentleman I am sure) were fighting over a fair maiden. When the dude decided that he was a bear. Once again, Topeka's finest were summoned, once again they felt the need to tase. Bear guy got it twice. To be fair, he was violent and aggressive, and trying to fight the cops.

As we left the bar, it started pouring. Raining, thunder, lightening... a full-on Kansas thunderstorm at 2 am onDecember 27th. It was awesome. As I slept, the temperature dropped quickly and I awoke to a city covered in ice. It was awesome. I am trying to find some pictures so stay tuned.

As always, I enjoyed the amazing hospitality of the Fackler side of my family. And it was really nice to actually have time with Jason- we have been missing each other the lat few trips home. Even though we don't live that far away from each other, we don't get to meet up often.
Next up... Mexico!

Help, please!

So, at the gym Wednesday I was rocking out on the treadmill, listening to my music and occasionally reading the news (you know the headlines that run at the bottom of the screen) and something caught my eye. I wasn't sure that I caught it the first time, so I waited for it to cycle back through. And then read it again. "Former President George W. Bush admits that he has a problem with spelling, asks Dick Cheney to help him with his autobiography." I was cracking up! Here is where I need help. I have googled numerous combination of those words as well as searching several U.S. news sites- not a hint of this gem. Anyone heard anything about this anywhere other than b92? Thanks!

Let's play catch up, shall we? (A post that is light on photos)

It has been hectic since last I shared with you... visitors, travel, holidays, and many ups and downs. I am leaving for a a 10-day trip to Macedonia this evening, which I am looking forward to, but also exhausted just thinking about. But let's get caught up-

I have had a lot of visitors since the end of October. First my friend and colleague Kevin came from Belarus to help me with work and to enjoy some Balkan hospitality. He got to see several cities in Serbia, and we actually had some common time in Belgrade. He just happened to be here over Halloween and had made a joke about dressing up as Sarah Palin... at my insistence, he donned my red suit, we went split the cost of a wig, a little red lipstick, some black tights and pumps, and we had one hot woman on our hands. I would insert a photo here, but I lost my camera days later...so I am relying on Kevin's generosity and sense of humor to send me the one that he has. Unfortunately, he is also self-centered, and didn't take any photos of me in my Monica Lewinsky costume. We went to a party at the Canadian Embassy which was, well, a little lame, but the two of us managed to have a good time and make some new friends (again, no photos, more about that below).

Then I took off for a trip to Kosovo. I get there regularly, but this was the first time I visited anywhere other than Pristina. While I didn't see a lot of the city (work kept us pretty busy) I enjoyed the travel to and from tremendously. Prizren is in a mountainous area and the drive from Skopje and to Pristina were made via the scenic route. Woods, creeks, romantic views and (relatively) pristine nature. Oh, and tons and tons of KFOR military vehicles. We passed through several ethnic Serbian areas and mixed areas where the presence of the international peace-keeping force was HIGHLY VISABLE. While in Prizren, I left my camera at a restaurant, and when we went back to claim it, it was gone. My colleague suggested I offer a financial reward, but out of principle I refused. Maybe I should have offered a reward for the memory card with the invaluable Halloween pictures?

I returned to Belgrade for a couple of days (not quite enough time to do laundry in the colder months) and took off for Zagreb, Croatia. I had some work to do, and then Kevin met me for the weekend. While I still think Zagreb is on the quiet side, we had a lovely time hanging out with our mutual friend and colleague, Thomas:
Thomas and his amazing girlfriend, Katarina gave up their weekend to entertain us, for which I am very grateful. It was a treat to have such cool tour guides. I look forward to returning the favor and showing them around Belgrade in the near future.

Immediately after Zagreb, I went to Vranje, in southern Serbia for work. Sanja's brother's girlfriend's sister lives there, and invited us over for a bit of Serbian hospitality. Natasha is quite a character.. all I knew about her was that she teaches Religious Studies in an elementary school. She picked us up straight from work, and was wearing this:

See how her shirt says "sex, love, money"? Hilarious. When we pointed it out to her, she said that she never even noticed or thought about it. It had been a gift the week before. Who am I to say what is in good taste or not? I went as MONICA LEWINSKY for Halloween.

Back to Belgrade for a few days- including Thanksgiving. Liz, Elizabeth and I had a hard time making plans. I didn't feel up to cooking all day. We weren't sure that we wanted to shell out for/dress up for the fancy traditional dinner at the Hyatt hotel. So, we came up with a plan- Elizabeth and her man would pick up Kentucky Fried Chicken, and we would make the traditional sides. It was awesome.
From L-R: Liz, Jason, Johnny, Elizabeth, Dragan. Please notice that Elizabeth is rocking a "50 Cent" sweatshirt. Please also note the buckets of KFC. We made: stuffing, green bean cassarole, brownies, pumpkin fritters, creamed corn, and pumpkin pudding. Then we watched TEAM AMERICA. Did I mention it was awesome?

This weekend, my friend and colleague Alan has been in town. He was in the region helping out for work, and had never been to Serbia before. Liz and I have been showing him around. The weather has sucked- cold and windy with periodic rain, but we have had a great time. Lots of good food, walking around the city, some great rakija, more good food, and general silliness. I should have taken more advantage of my new camera.

We took Alan to the Nikola Tesla museum. I had never been, and had heard that it was cool. It has recently relocated to a lovely old house on one of the most beautiful streets in Belgrade. When we arrived, we were informed that the entrance price for foreigners is TWICE as much as locals. That immediately pissed me off. Then they told us that they were still renovating the space and only 40% of the museum was accessible. Awesome. In addition to our group there was a Serbian family waiting for the tour to start. The tour guide introduces himself and in Serbian says to the family that he has to speak English because of us, but that he will speak Serbian first. I *almost* pointed out the fact that we paid double and should therefor hear English first, but I bit my tongue. There were a few interesting models of some of his most famous inventions and some plans for fountain designs. His urn was very very cool, but I failed to photograph it (shocking, I know). Maybe I would go back and see what it looks like when 100% of the exhibits are open. We'll see.
But I will leave you with this very general warning. My ride to the airport will be here in 15 minutes and I am not wearing any pants... I promise that my Best of Belgrade post will be here soon!

The long-promised Prague post

About a month ago, I met some of my very good friends in Prague for a long weekend of sightseeing, catching up, and loads of silliness. We fought our way through throngs of tourists, went to the opera (I like Wagner's music, but The Flying Dutchman is not as colorful or lively a production as most of the operas I have seen), took a boat cruise, and generally enjoyed hanging out together.

I was the last person to arrive Friday evening (Rippe arrived several hours later than planned, but everyone made it all of their belongings). We met at our fabulous apartment (the name Riverview was accurate!) and hit the town. Melissa had studied abroad in Prague several years ago and we were hopeful that her memory would serve as a tour guide to the hot spots (and that they would still be hot).

We headed for a place Melissa remembered frequenting, Nebe. It was standing room only, good music, and interesting cocktails. We started with gin and tonics that were served with a cucumber spear. Not a lemon, or lime, as would be traditional but a cucumber spear. To me the smell of cucumber was stronger than the taste, but I found it, well, not as good as citrus.

Soon we discovered that Nebe had changed in the years since our girl was a student, and the newest trend was giant buckets o'cocktail. Your choice... gin and tonic (um, not with cucmbers thanks), Long Island iced tea, screwdriver, and some more exotic choices... of course we decided to try a bucket of Mojito.

No joke, right? And delicious. So we have a few. As in four. Five of us drink FOUR. Of these.

As you can imagine, we got a late start on Saturday. We headed straight for lunch, and opted for a casual Czech-cuisine place near our apartment. The food was so-so, the service was less than stellar, but the bill more than made up for it:
Let's review, shall we? The waiter, who spilled coke on 2 of the 3 Facklers, decided to emphasize the fact that his gratuity was not included. Bold, yes, but not unheard of. Look at the right half of the picture. Ostensibly to make things easier on us, he decided to break it down. He suggests 10% (in Europe, tipping is not viewed the same way as in the US, servers are generally paid wages that are in line with, you know, living a normal life- in many countries, patrons round the bill up a bit or leave change as a token of appreciation). So, I may not be a mathematical expert, but something looks off to me here:

1039.00 x 10%= 103 So far so good, but what do we do now?

1039.00+ 103= 1042 Really? So do you want 10%, or should we go along with your new math and give you the 1042?

After a lot of giggling, and photographing the gaffe, we left him the 10%. It was worth it.

That night, we went to this amazing vegetarian restaurant. It was hip and delicious and even thought the guys complained about the prospects of a meat-free meal, we all enjoyed it. Sunday, the Fackler clan headed out of Prague to visit a family friend, so Rippe and I were on our own. I made him go with me to get bagels. I was pretty excited, but Bohemia Bagel has nothing on Goldberg's. I had a bagel with lox, and a side of civic duty:

Democrats Abroad had organized a voter registration campaign (we actually encountered this group more than once). I was excited, but in the end they just pointed me to a computer... I thought they would at least mail the forms in, but no.

We also toured the Staropramen Brewery. It is a small place in town (for Pilsner Urquell we would have had to leave the city and give up most of a day). It was interesting, I had never toured a brewery before. Our tour guide had no sense of humor, and even less fashion sense. Apparently, compared to other breweries, the tour here was short and they were stingy with the samples (by all accounts the Boulevard tour is a winner). One thing they weren't short on? Rules.
If you have ideas about what some of these mean, please leave a comment. I am very curious...

I was totally impressed with the beauty of Prague, how well preserved the Old Town is, and how many tourists there were. Even on a Monday in September the streets were totally overrun with Americans, Europeans, Asians, all creeds and colors of tourists with big cameras, little cameras, cell phone cameras.... I would love to go again and to see more of the Czech Republic. Especially with good friends.

Phonetic Fun with Feces

Serbian is a Slavic language, more specifically a South Slavic language. It is a cousin of Russian and Ukrainian generally coming from the same mother language. Exciting, right?

Anyway, there are many words that these languages share. Sometimes the definitions are the same, sometimes they differ. And amusing example is the word "ponos". In Russian and Ukrainian, ponos is diarrhea. In Serbian (and other South Slavic languages), ponos = pride. Can you see where this is going? Russian and Ukrainian speakers visiting Yugoslavia were often amused by signs reading "Tito je nas ponos", which to a Serbian speaker reads "Tito is our pride". Now, to the tourist from the East, this of course read "Tito is our diarrhea". Hilarity often ensued.

Fast forward a couple of decades. I was recently in Kyiv with colleagues from Macedonia, Bosnia, and other countries in which I work (see previous post). They had never been to Ukraine before and found time to enjoy the delights that Kyiv has to offer even with our intensive training schedule. Once we decided to visit the supermarket near our hotel. We split up into groups and made our purchases (I was delighted to find instant oatmeal and my favorite Ukrainian beer, others were loading up on sweets and vodka). Some of us were waiting for others to exit the store and when they finally did they were crying and laughing and doing the pee-pee dance. In the store, they happened upon this:

Let me explain what you are looking at. The brand of this canned fish is "Proliv". Which just happens to mean diarrhea in Serbian, etc. In Ukrainian/Russian it means flood (which isn't that much more assuring in canned fish if you ask me). Even better? This particular product is called "Veliki" meaning "big uns". Doesn't that sound tasty? I wish I had known what a gem this was when I used to have a funny can display in my apartment in Odesa... including this and this.

An item that is only related tenuously... there is yet another festival in Serbia that would be fascinating to attend- the World Testicle Cooking Festival (say that five fast) held each May. Can't make it? No worries, you can just pick yourself up a copy of Cooking With Balls.

I also love Eurovision, Icelanders, and my new Danish friends

On Monday, my friend Oli gave me the lowdown on an Icelandic Eurovision party at a club near my house. I wanted to go, but you need to be "the list"... well, it turns out that you can find any Icelandic mobile phone number online. So, he sends me the number of one member of the group, Hera. So I sent her the following:

"Hi Hera! I am an American living in Belgrade, and I love Iceland and your music! I would love to come meet you tonight... can I come to the party?"

I waited nervously for her reply... which was "Of course!!! See you there!"

How friendly! So my friend and I headed out. It was a total blast, and different from most night's out in Belgrade as the majority of the crowd was a) foreign and b) of the gay persuasion. After the contestants from Iceland and Denmark performed, the party seemed to be wrapping up. We started talking to the guys at the table next to us, who were all from Denmark and travel to Eurovision every year. They were also very friendly! We went with them to a club that was featuring karaoke of previous song contest winners and lots of dancing. It was a total blast! My feet where killing me when I hobbled home at 3:00 but it was totally worth it.

Then we found out that there were still tickets available for the semi-final tonight. So we are going- and we are going to get to see some of the most highly-anticipated performances including Ukraine, Sweden and Denmark. And Iceland- they may not be tipped to win, but they sure are sweet.

Ridiculous happenings on a recent trip to Montenegro

So, this week I had a very short trip to Podgorica, Montenegro. I flew down early Tuesday morning for a few meetings, including one meeting with the US ambassador (who is quite attractive BTW). I checked a small bag at the airport since I was carrying some books for work.

When I got checked into the hotel, I discovered that someone had helped themselves to a couple of items from my suitcase. What, you ask? The watch part of my heart rate monitor and the ONLY PAIR OF UNDERWEAR that I packed for my overnight trip. Thanks!

It gets better... Wednesday morning, as I getting dressed for my big important meeting (with the attractive ambassador) the zipper on my pants breaks. And I am not wearing underwear. Fortunately, my shirt is long enough that as long as I do not move my arms AT ALL no one will see my business. No easy task, as I am very animated. Luckily, and with great restraint I was successful in keeping my privates, well, private (unlike this poor guy).

UPDATE- Group shot of me trying to cover my business from the embassy site!